Even failed inventions can create vital inspirations. interestingenginnering
The many amazing inventions we take for granted today often require big swings and misses before the great leap forward. With reason, these failed predecessors fall into the forgotten wayside of history. They range from massage helmets to industrial shaving machines capable of lopping off the facial hair of eight men at once. These hilariously preposterous inventions appear more worthy of an SNL skit than real life.
Naturally, looking back on such ambitious failures offers a laugh and perhaps, some appreciation at how far we’ve come. Here are the most ridiculous inventions you were hopefully lucky enough to avoid.
Who wouldn't want get shaved at the same time as 11 other men, by machine? Getty Images
The Mass Shaving Machine
As the thinking probably went, “if Henry Ford can mass-produce cars, what else can we speed up?” Of all the potential answers out there, one would imagine that shaving would come very, very far down the list. However, in the 19th century, a person who understandably chose to remain nameless decided to try his hand at creating what amounted to a mass guillotine for your face hair rather than your head.
This turned out to be the best use of the mass shaving machine, comedy.
Comedic Gold
Apparently, one of the downsides of the machine was that it failed to account for the annoying differences in facial shapes. Therefore, one man might get a perfectly clean shave while another might lose part of his nose. Likely its most useful application came in the 1960s when comedian Eric Sykes used the outrageous device for a failed TV pilot about 1800s innovations. The reactions in the skit range from trepidation to fear with a healthy dose of asphyxiation.
Woman: Cheers dear. Man: I'm sorry I can't hear you. I've appeared to have lost my mind. Getty Images
Massage Helmets
Unlike the mass shaver which only really amounted to a few fits of laughter, the massage helmet of the 1960s actually remains in production today. Obviously, technology has improved dramatically from the upturned salad bowl attached to an air purifier, but hey, everything has to start somewhere, right?
Massage helmets today look like what future generations will wear during the Space Wars.
Who Needs A Spa?
As this couple jauntily demonstrates, why take a trip to the spa when you can put on a World War II helmet with a hose and enjoy a nice scalp massage from the comfort of your own home? She’s clearly enjoying her head vibrations while he’s struggling to come to terms with how his life came to this.
Yes, this looks much easier. Getty Images
Spaghetti Aid
Ever tire with the boring and repetitive struggle of winding your spaghetti around a fork? No? Weird. In 1955 a man named Russell E. Oakes decided that some might look for an easier way to get pasta from their plate to their mouths. Essentially, he attached a hand winder to a fork and called a day. What are the chances he thought this harebrained solution to a problem that didn’t exist would catch on? Maybe about the same as his marriage possibilities?
Some how "spaghetti aids" still remain today. Mostly as a gag.
It Actually Still Exists
Possibly even more ridiculous than the idea itself is the fact that a new battery-operated version exists today! Brought back from the dead by Hog Wild, a company that “lives by these simple rules: selling innovative novelty products typically geared to older kids (over 8) and that cross over to adults.” One could make the argument that the physically impaired could make use of a spinning fork but more likely, it's just a gag gift gone wrong.
At least he looks a man you'd taking motoring advice from. Getty Images
The Dynasphere
This one actually started from the mind of a true genius: Leonardo da Vinci but became a deathtrap in the hands of British inventor John Purves. In the 1930s Purves must have thought that cars have really caught on but they’re a bit boring without the ever-present possibility of death, maiming, and severe nausea. Therefore, he gave the world the Dynasphere.
Judging by this picture, seeing where you were going was also a challenge.
Braking & Turning Sold Separately
His completely terrifying contraption could actually reach speeds of 30 miles an hour! Unfortunately, any attempt to brake or steer his wheel of death could lead to, well, death. Similar to the massage helmets people today can shell out thousands of dollars for a less deadly version of Purves demise-o-sphere. The new aged “monowheel” is powered by pedals and also glows in the dark! These same wheels were actually used during the 2008 closing ceremonies of the Beijing Olympics.
So for potential inventors, remember there are no bad ideas, even if they end in utter disaster! Just remember not to attach your name.
